Listen with the music playing in the background, or not. Whatever floats your boat.

Hey you! Listen!

Yes, you there in the 3-D world.  Now I’ve got your attention. I’m surprised that you’re even able to concentrate on anything for a set amount of time. From what I’ve heard, it’s an information overload where you’re at. You’ve got people ‘tweeting’ at you about the president’s latest antics, you’re busy reading over the latest movie reviews and critiques from a website called ‘Rotten Tomatoes’,  and you can’t stop yourself from sending annoying GIFs on your smart phone (Just curious—How do you pronounce that? Is it Jifs or Jeefs?).

Back to what I was saying. Why ‘smart phone’? Why can’t it just be a phone? What does it do that makes it so smart? Sure, it does more than a monkey, but not more than a human? Right? …Oh, it does that? …You can play that game? Well, I guess you’re right. It might be smarter than a human.

That’s the confusion I’m talking about. You 3-D people complicate things way too much.

In the 8-bit world, life is bliss. It beats on without all the devices, the friend request, the mother-in-law drama, the plane delays, training the new puppy who pees all over the carpet, driving home in traffic with a car whose A/C doesn’t work,  annoying boys at school, and the worst thing of all, not having milk in the refrigerator. That one is truly the worst.

But, like I said, none of that stuff happens where I live. Much easier to get along.

My friend Vivi and I run around our town looking for quests, monsters, hidden treasure and sometimes if we’re lucky,  hang out with celebrities. Like the Plumber Bros? Those guys are legendary. You can always count on them if you’re in a tight spot. Still haven’t figured out how they turn into raccoons. Vivi’s working out the kinks for a potion that should do the trick. Fingers crossed.

Oh man. But the music! If could only take one thing with you from the 8-bit world, it would be the tunes. Let me run you through what I hear day-in, day-out. You’re going to be so jealous. We’re at the inn getting ready for bed, we get treated to the soothing, airy melodies to help us regain our strength for the next day. Traveling along a mountain pass? Triumphant brass and an eager snare drums help us to press onward.  I love when we get into a fight with bandits or better yet, werewolves. That high pitched synthesizer gets my heart racing. Makes earning EXP even sweeter.

Don’t get me started about when we visit the Royal Palace. I get goosebumps. When I hear those violins, I swear my back and neck straighten out in pride all by themselves. And then the princess shows up and it’s nothing but harps, bells, and tinkling wind chimes. I blush just thinking about it.

What’s my name you ask? What does it matter? Seriously, just lay off with the formalities! I’m the one telling the story here. You’re sitting in a Starbucks somewhere sipping a grande brewed coffee, all high and mighty on a caffeine rush bugging me about who I am. Come on.

Silence.

Fine. I’ll tell you. It’s Adventure Boy. Yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh. Isn’t the first time and won’t be the last. Look, It’s not my fault that my master programmer had a lack of creativity. What was he doing? I mean, it really isn’t that hard to name a character. Seriously. Vivi didn’t get much better than me I guess. Who the heck knows where his name is from. I tried to ask him about it once, and he wasn’t too happy with me. Nearly took my head off with one of his fire blasts. That ended the discussion.

Adventure Boy.  Ugh. The more you say it, the more embarrassing it is.

Alright, I know my name sucks, but hey, like I’ve been trying to tell you, my life is not that bad at all. I get to live up to my namesake and travel all over the map. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

That’s not to say that everything goes off without an occasional hitch.  There are glitches, freezes, and all the stuff that comes with having a slow processor and a minuscule RAM. We’re not running on Xbox 1 speed people. But, we’ve grown used to it. It only gets bothersome if you’re going to pay for new equipment or battling a foe for the fourth time and there’s a reset.  Yes, resets are the bane of our existence in the 8-bit world. Your whole day gets erased and you wake up in your bed as if nothing happened. Talk about tedious, having to start from scratch. I guess that is worse than not having milk in the refrigerator. That’s one point for your 3-D world.

Plus, there is user error. When the player will do some stupid, awful thing with you. Let me think…Oh! Like mistiming a jump and you fall helplessly into a spike pit. Or forget that you’re equipped with a shield and you end up getting pounded on the head with a spiked club. Or wandering around the entire town looking for heavy boots, only to realize that in order to beat the next dungeon, you needed the spike boots.

You see the spike trend? Make that two points for your 3-D world.

I’m sorry I can’t stay around any longer. Vivi wants me to meet him at the tavern. Supposedly there’s a guy that wants to be the third member of our party. I told him that we’re a two man wrecking crew, but he insists that we give this guy a shot. Listening could never hurt right?

This is Adventure Boy from the 8-bit world, saving my file, and turning off for now.


Comment below with your favorite game!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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